


i will lose my shit if even one more person i know dies

by fawnwrites



Series: i cry over hr: aerois [1]
Category: Yogscast "High Rollers" D&D Campaign
Genre: Angst, Character Study, i just wanted to write abt aila feeling things for her Found Family b/c she loves them, major spoilers for ep. 50, set during the scene where theyre trying to escape, some implied qill/lucius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 11:27:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21298694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fawnwrites/pseuds/fawnwrites
Summary: aila can feel the cold clinging to her bones, under layers of sweat and adrenaline. it’s holding her down: blurring her vision and making her muscles ache. she’s at the front, with sentry close behind, which is normal. rather abnormally, there’s more nausea pooling in her gut than bravery.it’s probably due to the lack of oxygen.--or: aila can't handle seeing her family suffer anymore.(title is a quote from the song my mom by kimya dawson)
Series: i cry over hr: aerois [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1536643
Comments: 7
Kudos: 41





	i will lose my shit if even one more person i know dies

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys so EPISODE 50 SURE DID HAPPEN HUH. watching the characters grow to rely so heavily on each other, & to love each other so much, really made me want to write smth about how our loveable jock aila is feeling through all this. cause Boy, So Much Is Happening
> 
> for real i hope u enjoy  


Aila can feel the cold clinging to her bones, under layers of sweat and adrenaline. It’s holding her down: blurring her vision and making her muscles ache. She’s at the front, with Sentry close behind, which is normal. Rather abnormally, there’s more nausea pooling in her gut than bravery.

It’s probably due to the lack of oxygen.

Or maybe it’s the exhaustion. Or the fear. Or… something.

Getting trapped in astral space with a one-minute time limit before garunteed-death wasn’t supposed to be on her _fucking_ list of problems.

So many things happened so fast. The ship. The almost-memories. Yet another battle, yet another close-call-escape. There’s a buzzing in her brain, the messy thoughts trying to claw their way out, but the loudest is _Qill and Lucius._

She can only afford to turn around for so long, can only get glimpses at them, but it doesn’t matter. The image of them behind her-- so far behind her-- is burned bright into her eyelids. She has no idea how much longer they have until they’re trapped (math was never her strong suit, and she can’t spare the brain power to ask Nova right now) but she knows the answer is ‘not long.’

Lucius has an arm wrapped around his side. She doesn’t want to think about how many ribs of his could’ve been broken by the drone.

It turns into a game of tug-of-war: _I can hoist them up,_ she reasons, pulling rope from her kit and tossing it down the steps. As hard as it is to drag someone else and run at the same time, she can manage it. She just needs to help them a little bit. Needs to pull them a little bit further. Has to get them a little bit closer to safety.

There’s so much more nausea in her than bravery.

It takes several seconds and several centuries simultaneously for her to find herself at the top of the corridor with everyone but Lucius beside her. That pompous little _**idiot**_ is lagging so far behind-- her heartbeat serves as a clock, ticking down to the moment the Citadel runs out of power-- _this isn’t fucking fair,_ her mind screams, _we’re so fucking close--_

She watches Lucius, clinging to the rope with hands covered in bruises and rope burns. There’s a second where he looks up and meets her gaze.

In the moment of eye contact, she sees an emotion she can’t place but doesn’t like. Acceptance, maybe, is a good word for it. “Everyone, just go,” he suddenly says through the communicator.

The words pulse in Aila’s ears. Her lungs hiccup, the little oxygen she has already slipping out in a tight gasp. Her skin stings like she’s been lit on fire; like she’s suddenly developed third degree burns.

“Fuck you,” she says, out loud, her voice an angry rasp. Her words are lost to the vast expanse of space, but she catches Qill wince beside her.

She spares another half-second to look over at him. His face hardens into something more passionate than concern. Not furious like her, but determined. Desperate, maybe.

He takes a step towards her and wraps his good arm around the rope.

Aila takes off sprinting down the corridor, towards the exit, the rope wrapped around her hands several times so there’s no chance of it slipping out. She nearly collides with the door that leads to the teleporter, but it opens just in time, her body acting as the key to keep their exit open.

(On the other side, she can see Nova pressing her arm against a crystal. Her face is contorted into a pained grimace and her body shakes with what Aila can only imagine is utter exhaustion, but she forces herself steady. The room smells like blood and smoke and the portal’s still open.

Aila figures out what Nova’s doing, her intelligence meeting instinct. She’s keeping them _alive._

She feels her lungs tighten even more. The pooling nausea gets worse; her bones feel like they’re breaking with the cold.

_No._)

“Lucius, we are not leaving without you,” Aila barks, as brave and steady as she can muster, “grab that rope and _get up here!_”

He doesn’t respond, but she can feel his mind stirring through the communicator.

One last fucking tug, Qill and Sentry pulling with, and they find him stumbling out into the corridor.

The next few seconds happen even faster.

As Lucius reaches the doorway, Aila scoops him up (before he has time to see what Nova’s doing: _they’re like brother and sister,_ her mind decides quickly, _and if he sees what she’s doing, he’ll freeze, and **we don’t have time for**_-) and sprints towards the exit.

Sentry does the same with Qill, leaving Nova to help herself out.

(But the portal’s so weak, and if Nova doesn’t come out in the next six seconds, Aila is going back in, and she is going to _drag_ that stupid smartass back.)

Nova’s body drifts through, and the portal gives one last flicker before closing, leaving them alone with the tailend of a water breathing spell. Her body floats through the ocean current, in the vague direction of her friends. She near-crashes into Lucius, who softly asks if she’s alright. Her only response is a dazed hum.

Which is… worrying and uncharacteristic for Nova. So is her blackened, limp arm.

There’s so much more nausea in Aila than bravery.

Lucius opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again, thinking better of it. He wraps an arm around Nova’s waist silently.

“No,” Aila blurts, and he looks up, confused but patient. “I’m much stronger than you. I’ll help her out of here.”

(_I can do this,_ she wants to scream. _All of you just have to stay alive long enough for me to carry your asses back to the doctor. I’ll carry all of you back. Nobody is fucking dying on me._)

There’s no exchange of words as she’s given Nova’s limp, semi-conscious body. There’s no discussion on the hours-long break towards the surface.

But the whole way up, Aila can’t stop looking at them all.

Nova’s full body weight is leaned up against her. She can’t support herself, she’s so exhausted, and her arm looks decayed. She makes quiet humming noises, like someone who’s half asleep in a lot of pain.

Lucius and Qill keep nudging each other gently, their hands interlocking briefly before they pull apart. Lucius keeps his eyes fixated on the ocean floor beneath them; Qill keeps looking up, eyes searching for something, but Aila can’t figure out what.

And Sentry, well-- Sentry can’t exactly be read, considering she’s a guardian. But Aila can imagine the anxiety buzzing through her head. It’s in hers too, after all.

She takes a deep breath, inhaling a lungful of water which the magic coursing through her filters. It doesn’t feel refreshing. It’s not a relief to finally have a moment to breathe deep.

It’s just another step forward they all have to take.

_Nobody else is allowed to fucking die on me._


End file.
